How do you know when to end a relationship? If you are wondering if you should break up with your boyfriend or your partner, here are some signs that it may be time to end your relationship or take it seriously. If one or more of the following situations apply to you, it is probably in your best interest to separate.
You are talking about an improvement in your relationship in the hypothetical future.
In other words, you are convinced that the relationship will be better “when”. Here are some examples:
- I know he likes me more when his friends get married.
- He can handle my anxiety disorder better when we finish our studies.
- We feel more connected when we are together.
Many believe that their partner will change. For example, that he becomes more committed, more understanding or more loving, when they reach a milestone or when an external stressor decreases. This may happen sometimes, but it is not guaranteed. If you knew it wasn’t going to change, would you still be in the same situation for a long time?
Base your desire to be in your relationship on your current experience, not on a future idea of what you want. Don’t let great relationships keep you from a relationship that doesn’t last.
You feel loved and supported…but only when you are happy.
Many of us feel loved and supported in our relationships when we are happy, confident and comfortable. But what happens when we have an “off” day? When we mega-stress at work? When we lie down with a stomach flu or when we are plagued by anxiety? What happens when we lose a loved one, lose a job, or receive a life-changing diagnosis?
When we feel compelled to maintain a certain emotional balance with our partners, we create secondary emotions: guilt, shame and anxiety. For any experience other than happiness and calmness. Inevitably, life has other surprises in store for you than happiness and calm. So it’s important that you feel safe to feel these less pleasant emotions in the presence of your partner.
You often have a negative feeling in your partner’s presence.
You feel disrespected, worthless, disappointed, hurt, insignificant, alone, worthless, ashamed or guilty all the time. And you rarely hear “Sorry”.
Of course, “regular” is a term you need to define. Some would say that it’s never okay to have those feelings in a relationship, but we’re all human and we all say hurtful or unhelpful things from time to time. If your partner makes mistakes from time to time and regrets it, that should not be a reason to break up with him. However, if the above feelings are common, it is time to end the relationship.
Getting your partner to spend time with friends and family is very difficult.
Are you afraid of telling your partner about your brother-in-law’s dinner invitation? Will attending your best friend’s birthday party result in hours of negotiations? Do your coworkers sometimes wonder if your partner really exists? By asking your partner to spend time with your friends or family, do you feel like you are asking them to give up all their belongings and move to the Arctic?
Your better half doesn’t have to love all your family members and all your friends. However, it is important that he is ready to shoulder his responsibilities as a partner without (too much) protest. You, of course, do the same, don’t you?
What you need to remember.
If one or more of these signs resonate with you, take a close look at your thoughts and feelings. See a therapist, confide in a friend, or write a journal about your experience. The answer should come to you. When you’re ready, you can decide once and for all whether you should be together, take a break, or just take action and break up with your partner.
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